I never really knew my father beyond his role.
He left for the train at 6:55 am, and returned at 6:00 pm. As far as. I know he liked his job. He was responsible and constant support for his family of eight. Beyond that, I didn't know much about him. That is until the last couple of years of his life, after a Parkinson's diagnosis and a stroke.He was diagnosed soon after he remarried, a few years after my mothers death. I flew in to attend his wedding, and I'm glad I saw his picture before going to his house so I wasn't shocked in front of him. He looked a good 20 years older that when I'd seen him 2 years previous. Seeing him without vitality, the fear stored in my cells from this big scary disciplinarian just drained right out through the floor, and the love I had forgotten replaced it.
I can't imagine how my parents stayed sane while raising six kids.
Dad had a stroke and lived for about 16 months in bed, cared for by his second wife. There were different opinions about whether the feeding tube was a good idea. But I was grateful to have the chance to reconnect with him and love him again. It was a reconciliation without words. And one of the most powerful experiences of my life.
Happy Father's Day dad.
If you have lost your father, or anyone in your life, you might enjoy these articles:
Knowing How to Live, We Know How to Die
Remembering Mom
I've Seen Dead People (death of a pet)
We're Not As Separate As We Thought
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