Celebrating Freedom and Independence

Independence. It has so many meanings and conotations.

There's independence from our parents that we forge as teens. There's independence from foreign rule, which is what the holiday is all about. And then there's the independence that comes from not wanting to be vulnerable to other people.

The USSR Taught Me What Freedom Means

 In 1988, before the wall fell in Berlin, I took a trip to Moscow, USSR. I was part of a group of 30 Aikidoists who went to bring Aikido to the Soviet Union. Unlike the USA, I was told that over there, it was illegal to practice martial arts because there was no specific law allowing it.

I had a fun trip to Moscow, and two cities in the south near Afghanistan. The people were wonderful. The scenery and experiences will stay with me a lifetime. But it was the flight home that really shifted big something in me. About 45 minutes after departing Moscow, I suddenly took a huge breath, and felt as if I were coming up from under water. I knew that we had just left Soviet air space. In that moment, I knew
what freedom meant. And a deep appreciation for what I have as an American was born in me.

Even though communism failed and the USSR is no more, I doubt that they enjoy the same freedoms we have. I think from time to time about going back to see how it's changed, but the more than 12 hour flight is quite a barrier. And it isn't necessary for me. I carry that knowledge of freedom with me.

Family Values Self-Reliance

I grew up in a family that prized self-reliance and independence. So much so, that when I had a problem, it didn't occur to me until decades later that I could have asked for advice from my mother.

Growing up in that environment made it easy for me to strike out on my own after high school, to move to the West Coast, to hitchhike with my partner from Oregon to San Francisco with only $100 and a dream between us, to get a place to live and jobs within two weeks of arriving, and to try so many more things in my life.

But it also put a wall between me and others. That core belief that I had to do everything by myself. That I couldn't ask for help.

From Independence to InterDependence

I see it in my siblings, but perhaps it was stronger in me? I was told stories like this one:
I was three years old, and was screaming in the front yard. Mom ran out to discover that I was frustrated that I couldn't open the gate to the back yard. She started to open it, only to hear my protest, "Me do myself!" So she lifted me up so I could reach the latch and open the gate myself.

And a similar story about when I was 4 years old, and unable to undo my seat belt in a small plane. That is, until the handsome (I'm told) captain walked back and grinned at me. I became silent and let him help.

This belief was so embedded, that at about 30 years old, I was assembling a desk from a kit at my teacher's dojo, and someone offered to help. I sat for a moment, realizing that I had no idea how someone could help me with it. I just didn't know what that would look like. How would that work? Two people working on one thing? That moment set me on a path to open myself to interacting more, allowing more, opening more.

The Heart Beat Goes On

It's a journey that continues. As I open more to help and support form others, I also open to warmth and camaraderie with others. I also find that I am more open to who I am at my depth. I love being more accessible to myself and others. With discernment of course. I have a fabulous group of friends and enjoy their diverse and beautiful expression of the One. And I look forward to more and more, deeper and deeper, sweeter and sweeter. This is a new kind of freedom for me. A heart freedom that brings richness and Joy and gratitude into my life like never before!

You may also like:
How Dancing in the Dark Taught Me Not to Be a Victim
Dancing with Chaos
First Do No Harm

How About You?

Do you find yourself thinking you have to do it all alone?
Do you ask for help when you need it?