Did Hachi Suffer Needlessly?

Have you seen the movie Hachi? Do you feel for him? Do you think he suffered needlessly?

It's a heartbreaking story about a man whose dog greats him at the train station each evening.

(not Hachi)

One day the man drops dead at work, and the dog continues to wait for his master at that train station every day for more than a decade until his own death.

It's complete with violins and attempts to stop the dog from waiting. The man's wife moves away, and the dog keep escaping the back yard and going to the train station a few towns away.

Everyone I know - including me - tears up at the thought of such devotion, such loyalty, such hope and such love.

It is a very bittersweet movie. You know the story from watching the previews. If you like tear-jerkers and dogs, this is a movie to watch with a whole box of tissues.

Is It Just Me?

But I find that when I watched it, I wasn't just sad. I was also angry at Hachi's family. It didn't have to be that way for him. I was sad that the dog went through that when he didn't have to.

Getting Closure

If the dog had had a chance to see his master's dead body, of he had attended the funeral, then he

might not have gone to the train station to wait all those years. If the dog had had a chance to see the body, he would have known that his master was not coming back. He would not have wondered all those years. He might not have ached and waited and worried and hoped for all those years. To me, that's cruel to put the dog through all that. They have minds. They know what death is. We've seen videos of animals sitting with their dead friends. Why do we insist on thinking that they cannot reason on this basic level?

It's That Way For Humans

I know that my experience of grief was quite different with my parents. One died suddenly, and was cremated before I flew out for the service. The other died after a long illness, and had an open casket. I had never seen a dead body before, and it was strange seeing his dead boy at the service.

But it really allowed me to see the reality of his death in a way that wasn't possible when I didn't see my mother's body. My mother died so suddenly, she probably didn't even know what happened at first. My dad definitely had time to adjust to what was happening.

We Love our Dogs and Cats Because They're Like Us

 Mammals care for their young. They have the same emotions as we do. That's why we are so connected to our pets. And it's why they are connected to us if we spend time with them. We have empathy for our pets as they do for us. They know what love is better than most humans. They know what devotion is more than most humans. So I think it's only fair to the animal to give them a chance to understand, in their own way, when they lose a master.

How About You?

Has your pet lost a family member? How did s/he respond?

April Fools' Day

Have you ever felt like a fool?

Even if it's not April Fools' Day?

If you are human, chances are it's happened more than once in your life.

At some point, we all get a little lost in the moment, or a thought, or a person.

Know what I mean?

But I am learning, after a few decades on the planet, that I don't need to be fooled by my old patterns and programming. What's that you say? I mean the thoughts that are the background of my mind. My emotional landscape. 

Your Set-Point

We have a happiness set-point, like a thermostat. We have a Love set-point, a trust set-point, a money

set-point. We have a set-point for just about everything you can name.

It's like the upper limit of what is normal to us.

So if your life until now was not happy for example, you may not know any different. You may not have what we call a Mental Equivalent, a living example of what happiness (or money or trust or health) looks like.

Hanging out with people who are focused on improving their minds really helps! I appreciate my spiritual community for being that place for me.

So How Do You Change That?

My favorite way is to look for people who have what I want, and then notice whatever I can that can add to my own picture of happy. Or love. 

I worked in an office where nearly all the men were married, and I worked with up to half dozen men who seemed quite happily married. I was single, and hoping for a good relationship. So I just let myself be aware of the men's energy, presence, attitudes. In that way, I started building an idea of what a man looks like who is committed, happy, and friends with his wife. I also practiced feeling that I already WAS in a committed, happy relationship. Those are both ways to build a Mental Equivalent. It's a way to teach your brain what you want. To install a new normal in your subconscious so you can recognize what you want when you see it. That's courtesy of your Reticular Activating System.

Young kids are also great examples of happiness, cooperation, love, and tolerance. I mean kids young enough that they haven't been taught otherwise.

Back to Happy

If you are interested in a great resource for re-programming your happiness level, I suggest Marci Shimoff's book, Happy For No Reason. Google her, and you'll find some free resources.

So have fun! And don't worry too much about looking a fool!

How About You?

How do you like to outwit your obsolete mental programming?

How do you install upgraded mental software?

Why I Don't Watch the News

I don't watch the news.
Some people think I'm buring my head in the sand.
I think I'm protecting my mind from the news' negativity bias.

Negative What?

We all have it.

Has this ever happened to you?

You have 10 great interactions during the day, and one bad one, and then obsess on the bad one and forget about the good one.

Turns out our brains are wired that way.
It has to do with survival.

And it makes sense when we know what's happening.

If there are 10 friendly exchanges people in our day, that's great.
Then one bully or one traffic incident, and wham! we forget about the greta stuff that happened before. Or we don't notice the good stuff that happens after that.

That's because our brain wants to make sure we avoid that bad or dangerous situation if it ever happens - or starts to happen again. You know, the old Fight/Flight/Freeze response.

Friendly is great, but as far as your survival mechanism is concerned, if you die in traffic or a barroom brawl, then there's no opportunites possible for the good, friendly, peaceful stuff.

No News Is Good News

I'm guessing that's why the news is almost 100% bad news. I've heard the phrase, "If it bleeds, it leads." Apparently someone decided or discovered that bad news sells. Just not to me.

It's not hte first time I've marched to the beat of a different drum.

I hear about the important stuff in other ways. I choose not to saturate my mind with bad news.
I don't even watch TV shows like NCIS, which gave me nightmares. Or Revenge, or any of the shows that focus on our shadow side. And I can't wrap my head around why anyone would want to watch the Biggest Loser berate people, let alone be on the show.

If you are saying to yourself, "That girl is too sensitive.", you are not alone. I've heard that for decades. Believe me, I tried being tough. Thing is, I don't see it as a good thing to harden my skin, my heart, or my mind to the pleasant and healthy things in life.

I don't see watching the news or gory TV and movies as a way to learn to live in the real world. I see it as junk food for the mind. As far as I know, my brain doesn't get physically fat, but my mind would swell with shadows and fear and noise and chaos. It would contribute to an underlying sense of un-ease. The way I see it, there's more than enough of that kind of thing in my day-to-day life. Why would I want to watch other people go through that?

What Is Real?

I think the REAL world is one that we routinely ignore. It is the deep, rich world inside ourselves.

That's where I can touch God. But only if I un-clutter my mind and heart. Only if I sit quietly and listen to that still small voice. To my breath. Only then can I start to become aware of the incredibly subtle, always present sweetness that is life Itself living as me.

When you look into a baby's eyes, you know there's something there. You recognize it because you are still that Light. We just forgot somewhere between schooling and the laundry.

So try this: Take a moment to breathe deeply and really feel the air going in your nose and lungs. Maybe go outside and enjoy any nature you can see. Or the clouds. Who is it that knows that you are doing this? Who is it that might think it's silly?

How About You?

Do you sleep better when you skip the news and crime TV?
Do you relish the times you can sit quietly with yourself?