I'd Rather Be a Hammer than a Nail

Do you know the song lyric "I'd rather be a hammer than a nail"?
Simon and Garfunkel made it popular in El Condor Pasa.

How can we feel more like the hammer than the nail?

Or more like the bug and less like the windshield?

It's all in our point of view.

Negative Thinking is Innate

According to Rick Hanson. PhD, the brain has a built-in negativity bias.
Why? It's for survival. When we think of the world in terms of carrots and sticks, Dr Hanson says that while carrots are great, if we don't learn about the stick that could kill us, then we never get another carrot. Ever.

That's a big incentive, and also the reason that the people with brains that noticed the negative were the ones who survived long enough to pass on their genes.

So just a few negative experiences of futility or helplessness when we are young and our brains are forming, can result in some long-lasting deep-seated beliefs about what is possible or safe or appropriate.

We Need the Good

To overcome a negative experience, we need a 5:1 ratio of good to bad experiences. That goes for our relationships too. So try to have 5 times more positive interactions with your friends and loved ones every day than negative ones.

So praise your child's accomplishment, compliment your significant other, notice the good things about other people and say so when it's appropriate.

This goes for yourself too!

Notice the good things about you, not just the things you don't like. Instead of getting down on yourself when you make a mistake, realize that you did the best you could at the time. Be gentle with yourself. And then ask yourself how you might do it differently next time. That's a much more effective way to deal with it.

Have a Gratitude Journal

Writing down 5 to 10 things that you are grateful for can change your life. Being grateful helps you enjoy the good that you already have in your life. And that helps you notice even more of the good all around you.

If you don't believe me, try it.

And if you don't know what to be grateful for, start with these things we often take for granted:

• Running hot and cold water
• Indoor plumbing
• Eyesight
• A roof over your head
• Enough food to eat

How About You?

Do you dwell on the negative?
Do you have a way to remember the good in your life?